Impending disaster! Photo by Matt Shalvatis on Flickr

For over 30 years now, the Butterball company has hosted a hotline for those encountering problems or questions when cooking their Thanksgiving or Christmas turkeys.

The experts at their turkey talk-line answer calls from over 100,000 people per year, desperate cooks mystified by the process of roasting a turkey and needing advice. Usually, the caller is unsure how to thaw the turkey, or how to calculate the cooking time.

Sometimes, however, the problems are a bit more complicated…not to mention hilarious.

Here are some real-life examples of calls to Butterball’s hotline from male callers:

A man cut his turkey in half with a chainsaw (presumably to make it fit in the pan) and called to ask if the oil from the chainsaw would affect the turkey’s taste.

An ingenious father wanted to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak, and called to find out if he could thaw his turkey in the bathtub, while he was bathing his children in the same tub.

Another man called to ask if he could cook his turkey on the engine block of his truck while he drove, and whether it would cook faster if he drove faster.

Just in case you think it’s only men who call the hotline with crazy questions, here are some actual calls Butterball has fielded from women:

A woman new to cooking turkeys called the hotline in tears. She had successfully thawed her bird, and then had rinsed it. However, she had rinsed it with dish soap, and now the turkey wouldn’t stop sudsing.

Another inexperienced cook fretted that her turkey would get stuck inside her apartment-sized oven. She assumed it would rise like bread dough and fill the oven to overflowing.

A newlywed called the Butterball hotline from inside a closet, whispering her questions so her family couldn’t hear her. The caller had no idea how to cook a turkey, but desperately wanted to roast one to impress her visiting mother-in-law.

The Butterball experts have also fielded questions about items stuck inside the turkey, including toy cars, small rodents, house cats and even the family dog, a Chihuahua (they managed to get it out).

It’s good to know that at Butterball there’s someone you can talk to about your turkey-cooking problems. They won’t laugh or be judgemental about the mistakes you’ve made, but will walk you through to a solution.

Give God a call

Did you know we have a hotline to God for when we encounter problems in life? It’s called prayer. The lines are open 24/7, toll-free. No request is too small or silly to be considered. No problem is too big for God to handle, either.

Psalm 34:15 says that “The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help.”

God cares about all of our problems. We can come to Him with our mistakes and failures. We don’t have to be embarrassed to talk to God, even if we’ve been a bit of a “turkey.” He wants to walk us through to a solution.

1 John 1:9 tells us that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

It’s through Jesus’ work on the cross that we’re able to receive forgiveness for our sins. Those of us who believe in Him have been adopted as God’s children. We’re now able to call God, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15). That’s like calling God, “Daddy.”

Jesus has given us a direct line to God. We don’t have to go through a switchboard or other intermediary. Isn’t that good news?

In closing, if you need help cooking a turkey this Thanksgiving or Christmas, don’t hesitate to call: 1-800-BUTTERBALL .

For everything else, call: “Our Father…”

© 2019 Lori J. Cartmell

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